Dear Doctor Butthole,

I met with a prospective pediatrician yesterday, and was not happy with what I learned... I left that appointment in tears from frustration. She insinuated that, because I was delaying the Hepatitis B vaccine and refusing the vitamin K shot altogether, I must not care about my baby suffering brain damage or contracting a disease and dying because of what I chose for her. Needless to say, I will not be using her for my daughter.

I have an appointment with my OB tomorrow. He has been mostly supportive of what I have asked for as far as Birthing Preferences. When it came to the shots, however, he simply gave me the run-around, saying, "Well, that happens immediately; every baby gets them; it's just routine". No, it won't happen immediately, THIS baby will not get them, and I guess I will have to take extensive measures to snap you out of your routine even if only for ONE birth. Thank GOD I have a Doula who's got my back and a very informed, don't-f*ck-with-me mom, both of whom will support me and make sure my wishes are followed.

I plan on including below the research I am taking with me to my OB appointment in the morning. When I had mentioned to him last week about how I wanted to delay Hep B and didn't want vitamin K at all for her based on some research I had done, he said something along the lines of, "Yeah, you consulted Dr. Google". What the ****??? No. She's not getting them. She doesn't need them. So, no thanks... And, here, read this when you're on the toilet next if you're interested in what Dr. Google had to say.

Beautiful Pregnancy

Today was my maternity photo shoot and, needless to say, I was not excited about having my picture taken. I sometimes feel like a whale, especially when there are cameras around. I used to want the "perfect body", but I had no idea how hot I actually was until I got pregnant. Don't get me wrong, though; I love my pregnant body. I hope that after Keeli is born, I will proudly wear my new stretchmarks as badges of honor, but that isn't to say I will be showing them off. I felt really self-conscious in front of the camera today, but after seeing a few of the shots before editing, I am happy to say that I think I do make quite an attractive pregnant woman.

After my photo shoot, I went to my childhood friend's bridal shower. I saw a few girls I had grown up with for the first time in ages, babies in their arms. They all cooed over my pregnant belly and told me I looked great. For the first time since I ballooned into a walking baby-factory, I believed them.

I haven't had any complaints and have been blessed enough to have an uneventful, healthy pregnancy. I (typically) eat only whole, natural foods and I exercise daily. I have cute maternity clothing and can still wear some of the shirts I wore before I got pregnant, although they are more form-fitting now... jeans are another story, haha.

I suppose I am getting somewhat emotional about this because I know that in around four weeks, it will be over. I can already tell I am going to miss being pregnant, as much as I am dying to meet Keeli and have her in my arms. I have promised myself to enjoy every little movement, every little nudge or kick, every little hiccup until she is born (and I will even gladly cooperate with my sciatica). Being pregnant has been the best experience of my entire life to date, and I thank my God for blessing me with this wonderful journey that many women are denied.

Sling-Stashing!

I have assessed my "sling stash", and I feel pretty decent about it. I have two pouch slings and four ring slings (technically five, but I don't like one of them). Considering how expensive these things can really run, I am calling it quits for those. The most I have paid for a sling has been ~$12, so I have been lucky in that aspect. If I buy any more (if I NEED any more), I will be returning to eBay, of course. I'm a bargain shopper!

Here is a picture of the ring slings I have. (The bottom right is the one I am "iffy" about.)


These ring slings are actually, simply, fabric from India that I scored in a previous relationship. I am more economical than anyone gives me credit for. Haha.


Here is what my pouch slings look like. I am waiting on the orange-colored one to arrive in the mail.



These are slings from SevenSlings.com. I have read mixed reviews on this brand; some people don't like the fabric or think it's sturdy enough. However, I showed the sling I have from there to the leader of our local baby-wearing group (Lookout Babywearers) and she thinks it is just fine. I guess it is more about personal preference.

I can't wait to see her little face looking up at me from the safety of her sling. Even more so, I can't wait to breastfeed her while being out and about, using the cover of my ring sling fabric! I know that may sound odd to some people, but I think it's totally precious.

My Ever-Growing Diaper Stash

As of right now, I have won a total of 11 Babyland pocket diapers from eBay for only $31, all with free shipping!!!

Here is a picture of what one of them looks like, the other 10 are just plain colors (red, pink, purple, blue, green, yellow, orange).



That brings my diaper stash count to the 7 AI2/OS that I made myself, 14 Babyland OS pockets, 58 pre-folds and 20 pairs of plastic pants.

I am also waiting on a bidding for 10 more Babyland OS pockets. If I win those today, that will bring my OS total to 31, not to mention a TON of pre-folds (that I will be using as inserts as well when she gets bigger).

CAN'T WAIT FOR THEM TO ARRIVE! Just one more thing I'll be impatiently waiting on. :)

UPDATE:: WON the 10 diapers from eBay for $23, including shipping!!! I now have 30 OS and a ton of pre-folds/plastic pants. My hyper-diaper-shopping is now DONE.

My (soon-to-arrive) Daughter's Nursery

Since I made this video, we have changed it a little... Added more little things here and there. The look we were going for was originally 40's Glamour-like, and I hope we landed somewhere in that ballpark. I think it's so pretty, and it's something she can grow into as well. I love baby stuff, don't get me wrong, but I can't stand pink, pink, pink everything. She can be a girl without being obnoxious about it! :)

ANTI-SHAMPOO =)

I had been reading online about this for a while, but I never tried it until today after I got done cleaning out all that junk from the garage. It really worked! This is how it looked after I washed it (bad lighting and no make-up, sorry haha). My hair was blown dry for a few minutes after being allowed to dry mostly on its own, and then I did straighten it (I don't do that often).

My brother, Joe, came to our most recent family dinner and I couldn't help but notice how his hair had grown and how healthy it looked... He told me he had only been using conditioner! I wondered if it would make my long hair grungy, but it didn't! Even after I had been sweating all day!


I should tell you that I don't wash my hair every day, or even every other day. I would typically only wash my hair maybe once a week, and that would be only to keep my scalp clean. I know it seems kind of nasty, but honestly the less and less I washed my hair, the less and less oily it got. Once I got into college, I valued sleep over "hygiene" and started skipping the morning 1-hour hair routine- the best decision ever! It would typically only get oily if I had done strenuous activity (workouts). I just felt like skipping washes was making it healthier and helping it to grow more... Maybe the growth I am experiencing now is from my prenatal vitamins, but I think my wash routine helped, too!

Along with the extended periods of time between my washes, I cut out something else- the blow dryer! Again, if I was going somewhere and wanted to style my hair in a hurry, I would use it, but for days when I knew I'd be at home long enough to allow it to dry on its own, I wouldn't. I also quit using the flat iron and allowed my hair to do what it naturally wants to, and apparently it likes being curly/wavy. After it's dry, I may rub just a little gel between my hands and distribute it throughout my hair, giving me beachy-like waves.

This is how I did the conditioner routine a couple hours ago: I simply massaged my scalp when it was dry (and oily) for a few minutes, then used my pure bristle brush to distribute the oils from the scalp all the way down the shafts. I wet my hair with hotter-than-normal water and then used the conditioner as I would my shampoo, but with more massage action. I actually found that I used a lot of conditioner, but that may not be so necessary. I just wanted to make sure I saturated my head, because I was afraid of leaving behind any grime. I also massaged with my fingertips, not my nails! I recommend using Alberto VO5 Clarifying Conditioner in Vanilla Mint Tea... for no particular reason other than it was what was in my shower at the time, haha. It's also really cheap and widely available, which is great for me because I have long hair and it looks like I'll be using a lot of the stuff.

At first, you hair might feel kind of dirty to you, especially if you're an every day or every other day washer. I didn't have this issue, but I've read where it can take up to a couple of weeks for the transition to make your hair feel "clean".

My hair looks and feels amazing! I can tell it's a little static-y, but after a few more washes, it will level out again, I'm sure. It is just used to having all its oils stripped for so long! I recommend everyone to try it!

I won the OS Pockets!!!

I won my diapers! I'm so excited. I cannot wait to get them in the mail!!! I ended up paying $17.01 for FIVE, with free shipping. That's basically a steal in my book! Yay, fluffy mail on the way! :) Here is what they look like: (I already have the yellow, so this time I am getting the green, blue, purple, pink and red)
I am also currently bidding on a set of 10 (currently bidding at $1.75, ending in two days), as well as four individuals (right now, bidding at $.06/piece, ending in one to two days).
Fingers still crossed!!!

This Day, Two Years Ago

No, this post is NOT about Michael Jackson, though may he rest in peace.

I thought I should document where I was on this date in 2009, because had everything not played out the way it did, I would not have my daughter. It's crazy how I manage to allow myself to worry about things, as though God doesn't know exactly what He's doing. I'm silly sometimes, I guess.

Two years ago today, my boyfriend (technically fiance) at the time and I went our separate ways. It was the day before our three year anniversary. I was still at his house in Houston, but I had a flight booked for the very next morning, our actual anniversary. I would be coming home alone. I will never forget how I thought I could never be happy again after that. What was I supposed to do? What about school? We went to the same college and everything; now I'm going to have to see him everyday, not to mention I have NO IDEA where any of my classes are. Everyone knows how bad I am at going places I've never been, how I get panicky feeling and anxious when I get lost, and how easy it is for me to get lost.

I thank God for my bad sense of direction. I'll tell you why...

First day of school... My ex and I had been split for not even two months, and he was already parading around campus with his new girlfriend, making sure to bring her to converse at a table where I was sitting with some of our mutual friends. She just had to keep her hair flipped to one side to show of the giant hickey on her neck (classy!), and mention how she has friends on campus but has been with him every night and has yet to hang out with them. That hurt. It honestly did. I look down at my phone to check the time, and luckily I needed to start heading to class. I walk away fighting back tears, while also trying to figure out where the heck I'm going. I knew the building, but the actual classroom was giving me problems. "If he was here with me, this wouldn't be an issue", I remember thinking to myself.

I walk into a room and sit down. The teacher hands me a syllabus. It is Rhet. & Comp., but in total embarrassment, I noticed I had the wrong teacher. I sat there for about ten minutes until he took role. I told him I must be in the wrong class, and he politely showed me where to go. SO EMBARRASSING!

Before opening the door to my correct room, I fixed my hair and glanced at my reflection in a display case on the wall. My little brown Maxi dress, sandals, gold jewelry... I told myself I looked good. I knew that since I was late, everyone would be staring at me. I opened the door, and I was right. Of course, right in the VERY front row was a very, very attractive guy staring right at me. His eyes followed me for a second and I quickly made my way to my seat.

My instructor babbled on, reviewing her syllabus, calling role. She made us go around the room and say our name, where we were from, and our major. Speaking in public never bothered me, so this passed just like an old routine. But this guy kept looking back at me, the guy who had been staring at me when I came into the room. He continued to do so until class was over. As I gathered my books and papers and organized them neatly into my backpack, I noticed he was purposely taking longer to put his ONE folder into his backpack. "Oh Lord, he's going to talk to me...".



I brushed passed him and started down the hallway. He met up with me, and came walking right beside me as though we had known each other forever. I looked straight ahead and laughed at him out of the corner of my eye. "Hi Ashley, I'm Samuel", he smiled. I finally turned to look at him and just said "Hey, Sam".


Fate.


Had I gotten what I thought I wanted at the time, to be with my ex, to have him holding my hand everywhere and leading me in all the right places... I wouldn't even have given Samuel a second look, and I wouldn't be awaiting the arrival of our daughter today.

I am blessed. :)

Hyper-Nesting Phase 2

Today, I may have seriously overdone it. Well, not really, but if you ask my mom, I did.

Since we moved into this house when I was 16, the two-car garage here has been FULL of total JUNK. We somehow managed to get one side of it clean enough so my mom could park her car inside. Today, I cleaned out the rest... ALL of it.

This entire little project was completely involuntary. I had already swept and hosed-out the side where my mom's car is usually parked; Maggi had pee-peed in that spot and I didn't want it to start smelling. That task alone almost had me exhausted. Then, the guys from the furniture store came and dropped off the new couch for the downstairs. Upon going back into the garage, I discovered they had knocked over one of the pots full of soil, and dirt was everywhere. I was a little ticked-off, but after they just hauled off a couch and put a new one in (and moved the stuff in the garage so they could do so) all by themselves, I figured I'd just clean it up. That's where it all started. I couldn't effectively sweep because of all the crap in the way, so I decided to move it all. I picked up box after box, sorted through old pictures, old toys, old trophies, put all of my step-dad's things into two giant tubs and moved those... I did it all.

Mom and I had been saying for a couple months (at least) that we were going to clean it out together so that I could get my car into the other side. It needed to be done, not only because that's what a garage is supposed to be for, but so that Keeli and I could get inside without dealing with the outside elements during the hot summers and cold winters. Mom came home today and was absolutely surprised, and then worried. (I also hadn't eaten until around 3p.m. because I had been cleaning since around 10a.m.) "Go upstairs, sit down, let me fix you something to eat, get off your feet, your ankles are so swollen". She's so sweet.

But then she told me: During both of her pregnancies with my older brother and sister, a week before they were born, she had a major spurt of energy that came out of nowhere except the feeling that certain things HAD to be taken care of RIGHT THEN. She asked me, "Are you sure this baby isn't coming anytime soon?" And I just laughed. She better not; she still has lots of growing to do!!!

I will be 36 weeks tomorrow, due around July 24th. I would really love to carry her as long as possible, and my doctor is even going to let me go until August 7th if we both stay as healthy as we have been. I don't want to not be pregnant, despite wanting to meet her so badly.

My arms are kind of sore, and I'm waiting on eBay to tell me I won the bid on the cloth diapers I was talking about yesterday (fingers crossed!). Just thought I'd document my recent triumph over Mount Trashmore in our garage. :)

Hyper-Nesting

According to my OB, my "due" date is on July 24th. Today is June 24th, meaning I have somewhere around 30 days to try and get everything else in order for the arrival of my angel! I feel great as far as having everything I need. The only thing I am still waiting on is the travel system, and my sister is planning on buying it for me from one of our friends once she begins feeling better. If worse comes to worse (I go into "labor" before we have one), I'm sure my dad will go and pick one up.

There is, however, one thing I am concerned about... Diapers. I have this awful nagging feeling that I don't have enough. Until today, my mom had assumed we had somewhere around 50 pre-folds in our arsenal, along with 10 nappies, subtly varying in style but all OS pockets. She is super "old school" and doesn't see why I feel the need to buy the nappies. Her words to me are always the same: "I don't see what you have against the pre-folds and plastic pants". It's not that I have anything against them, they worked just fine for my siblings and I growing up, but the nappies just seem so much more convenient... not to mention CUTER!



It turns out, though, after inspecting Keeli's closet, she only has 34 pre-folds and 10 nappies. I almost started hyperventilating. That is probably only enough for 2 days, and I'm not about to be doing diaper laundry that often and increase the financial burden we are already imposing on my parents (water bill). The pre-folds we bought, although not organic and maybe not even of the best quality, came 12 to a pack for around $10. I am planning on buying probably 3 more packs of those, but that doesn't solve my nappies problem.

I have been looking around on Ebay, and currently have bids on 4 more OS pocket nappies and if no one bids against me, I can get all 4 for $1. That would be a rare occurrence; prices always rise to around $10/nappy, which is still better than buying at my local store. The bidding for these diapers ends in 2 days, and I'm just praying no one finds them!!!

I have sewn 6 of my own for less than $30. I really enjoyed the process, but my ankles and feet did NOT! They are really cute, AI2/OS, and very economical. Now, I just wish I could pay someone to sew the next batch so that I don't have to be sitting so long... and I'd have to watch them and nit-pick at them to make sure they're doing it right. :) Here is how they turned out.

I would love to be able to buy more material and make more. I can just imagine how proud I'll feel when I get to tell people "I made those myself!". I am hoping, though, to luck-out with this bargain I found on Ebay, and then use the money I saved to make 6 more of my own... That would put me at 20 diapers.

Ugh...

So, this is a summary of my current obsession: Diapers. Either way, I know she will be provided for, even if it's by the less-cute pre-folds and plastic pants. We are blessed.