Ya know what? EFF this.

It's a good "eff this", this time. I swear.
Okay, check this out:

So I've been fretting about school and "What am I gonna do?" and all "Woe is me" and rada rada. You may not even interpret this the same way I do, but this is my perception of the following information...

"Ashley, either you go back to school in January or you will have no health insurance."

"But, I don't want to put Keeli in day care. That's why I wasn't going to go back until next Fall."

"You can take night classes; we'll watch her in the evenings."

BAM. There it is.

I have secretly, or not-so-secretly, been dying to go back to school already, because that horrible sense of urgency and running out of time has emerged yet again. I just kind of feel like a loser sitting here at home every day, not necessarily wasting time, but I find most often that I'm bored. I'm always preaching to people, "Whatever you do, don't be bored; this is absolutely the most exciting time we could have possibly hoped to be alive. And things are just starting."
I just recently returned from Polk and, during my visit, learned that a girl two years younger than I is basically on her way to greatness. I feel like I should already be a practicing MD somewhere by now (although I know that's entirely unrealistic even for women my age who don't have children).

Don't get me wrong- I enjoy my time here with Keeli and I dread the day I have to go to school and leave her here with my mom. I really do. I really don't even want to think about it. But, this will be worth it. This is for the both of us. I will not waste my talents or miss an opportunity to make a great life for us.
I have something to really look forward to now, and it's a productive "something". It's "I'm working towards a secure future for my daughter and myself, and to teach her that nothing is impossible". So, Keeli, if you ever get knocked-up out of wedlock, your life is SO NOT OVER. Haha. That was really informal. This whole thing is.

Oh yeah...

We went to Hobby Lobby today and I stocked up on acrylic paints and canvas. And I'm tired of being sad, so eff it. 'Nuff said.

This hole you put me in
Wasn't deep enough
And I'm climbing out right now