This Day, Two Years Ago

No, this post is NOT about Michael Jackson, though may he rest in peace.

I thought I should document where I was on this date in 2009, because had everything not played out the way it did, I would not have my daughter. It's crazy how I manage to allow myself to worry about things, as though God doesn't know exactly what He's doing. I'm silly sometimes, I guess.

Two years ago today, my boyfriend (technically fiance) at the time and I went our separate ways. It was the day before our three year anniversary. I was still at his house in Houston, but I had a flight booked for the very next morning, our actual anniversary. I would be coming home alone. I will never forget how I thought I could never be happy again after that. What was I supposed to do? What about school? We went to the same college and everything; now I'm going to have to see him everyday, not to mention I have NO IDEA where any of my classes are. Everyone knows how bad I am at going places I've never been, how I get panicky feeling and anxious when I get lost, and how easy it is for me to get lost.

I thank God for my bad sense of direction. I'll tell you why...

First day of school... My ex and I had been split for not even two months, and he was already parading around campus with his new girlfriend, making sure to bring her to converse at a table where I was sitting with some of our mutual friends. She just had to keep her hair flipped to one side to show of the giant hickey on her neck (classy!), and mention how she has friends on campus but has been with him every night and has yet to hang out with them. That hurt. It honestly did. I look down at my phone to check the time, and luckily I needed to start heading to class. I walk away fighting back tears, while also trying to figure out where the heck I'm going. I knew the building, but the actual classroom was giving me problems. "If he was here with me, this wouldn't be an issue", I remember thinking to myself.

I walk into a room and sit down. The teacher hands me a syllabus. It is Rhet. & Comp., but in total embarrassment, I noticed I had the wrong teacher. I sat there for about ten minutes until he took role. I told him I must be in the wrong class, and he politely showed me where to go. SO EMBARRASSING!

Before opening the door to my correct room, I fixed my hair and glanced at my reflection in a display case on the wall. My little brown Maxi dress, sandals, gold jewelry... I told myself I looked good. I knew that since I was late, everyone would be staring at me. I opened the door, and I was right. Of course, right in the VERY front row was a very, very attractive guy staring right at me. His eyes followed me for a second and I quickly made my way to my seat.

My instructor babbled on, reviewing her syllabus, calling role. She made us go around the room and say our name, where we were from, and our major. Speaking in public never bothered me, so this passed just like an old routine. But this guy kept looking back at me, the guy who had been staring at me when I came into the room. He continued to do so until class was over. As I gathered my books and papers and organized them neatly into my backpack, I noticed he was purposely taking longer to put his ONE folder into his backpack. "Oh Lord, he's going to talk to me...".



I brushed passed him and started down the hallway. He met up with me, and came walking right beside me as though we had known each other forever. I looked straight ahead and laughed at him out of the corner of my eye. "Hi Ashley, I'm Samuel", he smiled. I finally turned to look at him and just said "Hey, Sam".


Fate.


Had I gotten what I thought I wanted at the time, to be with my ex, to have him holding my hand everywhere and leading me in all the right places... I wouldn't even have given Samuel a second look, and I wouldn't be awaiting the arrival of our daughter today.

I am blessed. :)